Deep shame and low self-esteem seem to go hand in hand which makes it a perpetual repetitive cycle hard to break out of. Nor are either of these feelings a great way to live ones life. Areas that will be examined in this article include the link between low self-esteem and deep shame, where these feelings came from, how they affect our mental health and ways to manage.
Understanding Low Self-Esteem
Negative self-appraisalSelf-doubt or low self-esteem means seeing oneself… Thinking we are not good enough: A big one, and maybe the main symptom of low self-esteem is a feeling that we are just not up to scratch. This perception is shaped by the way we were brought up, the needs of society and even our own failures.
- Experiences of Childhood:Childhood is the age where our self esteem becomes formative. When children are raised in environments where they experience criticism, neglect or abuse, it is very easy for them to internalize these experiences and believe that they do not deserve to have love and respect. However, children who are brought up in safe, loving homes typically develop higher self-esteem.
- Societal Pressures: Society often exerts unrealistic demands on people, Destined to be pretty, rich or highly intelligent Not meeting these measures can also lead to people feel like they are lacking, which chips away at the sense of self.
- Personal Failures: This is, obviously, life and well… sometimes we just fall short of what we set out to do. What better reason for us to feel not-so-good about ourselves? These missteps further engrain the narrative that one is ill-equipped to be a success.
Defining Deep Shame
In other words, shame is a powerful emotion that makes a person feel extremely embarrassed or humiliated; this in turn usually results from the belief that what they have done or even who they are themselves is inherently wrong. Guilt refers to a certain behavior, while shame relates to the whole self, and it can produce an enduring sense that whoever you are is fundamentally flawed.
- The start of shame: who would judge you from outside, cold or imaginable. For instance, if you get teased as a child about how you look, how smart your are or what (chubby)you sound, that can cause some deep feelings of shame in the child. Additionally, different societal identities such as race, gender or sexual orientation causes individuals to feel bad about who they are, because the lives of these socalid factors shame them.
- Internalization of Shame: When the exposure of shame is persistent, individuals may internalize this experience to where they think something about them naturally brings forth these feelings. As a result, they begin to feel shame of their very mental health issue and get stuck into feeling low about it as well as in general shaming them.
The Connection Between Low Self-Esteem and Deep Shame
Low self-esteem and deep shame are not mutually exclusive emotions; they feed off each other. People with low self-esteem tend to feel embarrassed about their faults and frailties. The same can be true for feelings of deep shame; it may cause someone to avoid self-care as though they are simply not worthy of love or respect.
- The Shame: Many people who have low self-esteem also feel considerable shame, often in relation to their fear of losing and not measuring up. A person with low self-esteem may be ashamed of their looks, personality or lacks accomplishments. This shame then reduces his self-esteem (and therefore ability to cope) making it ever more difficult for the person in question to see themselves as anything of worth.
- Mental Health Affects: Low self-esteem and deep shame can impact mental health drastically. People who fall into this cycle can often develop depression and or anxiety, but also they feel really alone. And they may further withdraw, shy away from opportunities where they might be found wanting and thus become lonelier and suffer a decline in self-worth.
- Self-Sabotage: Additionally, low self-esteem and extra shame cause a need to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors such as procrastination, substance abuse or staying in dysfunctional repeating relationships. Happiness nor success is reserved for them, these are characteristics that are part of the diet I am familiar with.
Breaking the Cycle: Overcoming Low Self-Esteem and Shame
Low self-esteem links to deep shame, and it may be the toughest chain to break out of, but not unbreakable. So long as they have self-awareness and the correct tools to transform these toxic feelings.
- Enter therapy: Therapy is the greatest enemy of both low self-esteem and shame. If you find that emotions are piling up on each other then a licensed therapist can help to peel back some layers and get to the bottom of what is causing those things.Follow me all the way cause Cognitive 101 is probably the most powerful thing on this planet that lets us battle those negative beliefs and install instead upgraded, effective, true programs.
- Cultivate self-compassion: Jewel shows us one of the best remedies for shame is to allow space and compassion. This includes giving yourself the same grace and compassion that you would give a best friend of yours. Instead of getting angry with yourself over mistakes, factor into your thoughts the realization that everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. Beginning with the Self esteem, practicing self-compassion
- Negative Beliefs: Someone experiencing low self-esteem and deep shame likely believes certain things about themselves that are just not true. For instance, because of a particular task failure, they could have purposeless ideas in their mind that say that their value is null or void and some predefined perceptions about different rejections which will make them feel unloved. These are the same beliefs that need to be challenged and changed over time, converting into a much more realistic and healthy frame of mind. Try remembering the times you did succeed or the good in you which is unique and valuable.
- Establish boundaries: Low self-esteem or shame are often made worse by unhealthy relationships or situations/. Establishing boundries with those who trigger such negative feelings can be part of the healing process. It could mean creating space between you and those people that point the finger or put you down, looking to be in a relationship with those that lift you up.
- Praise Small Successes: Self-esteem is something that grows over time, though it can sometimes help to prop up a little shorter along the way. From meeting a personal goal, receiving a compliment, or making it through another tough day that is worth celebrating — all of these help to appropriately elevate self-worth and diminish any sense of shame.
Conclusion
Low self-esteem is a symptom of deep shame, and the two issues feed into a cycle of self-doubt and self-loathing. But it is also completely possible to get stuck in this cycle. Things like seeking help, practicing self-compassion, challenging negative beliefs about yourself, setting limits and celebrating your small victories make getting free a reality! Overcoming low self-esteem and deep shame is a process, but when we are willing to do whatever it takes and receiving the help we need, people can heal from their worthlessness and take back their lives.
You can explore ways to control low self-esteem and deep shame here at All In The Family Counselling Community.
